Saturday, April 07, 2007

Sluggish Solutions For Your Home.


From the Adorablog comes this collection of slug-shaped lamps that I now am craving for the next five minutes or so. Handsome!

Screw Reading.


You heard me.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

A Lot of Animal Posts Lately


No, this isn't turning into an animal blog. We'll be back to our regularly scheduled crap shortly. Sorry to all animal haters who may be stopping by.

Lock Up Your Daughters and Sandwiches...

Coyote working the camera with his cuteness powers.

This young handsome coyote wandered into a Chicago area Quizno's store the other day, and was unceremoniously dragged out of there and dumped off in the sticks somewhere far from his home.

For someone who placed the stars in the heavens, stole the sun and the moon, brought fire to people and created the earth, I should say the little guy deserved better. At least they should have set him up with a sandwich. Poor fellow hasn't eaten in nearly 60 years!

This is the kind of trouble we create for wildlife when we force them out of their homes. Think about the coyote in the sub shop today and picture the animals fighting for space near your home town.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Pet Food Recall Update- Additions to the List


I realized that the list of tainted cat & dog foods was still getting longer even at this late date, so I looked up the best recall list link I could find- Menu Foods' own complete list of affected brands. Straight from the horse vendor's mouth, so to speak.
Dog Food Brands here.
Cat Food Brands here.

Here's Snopes' feature, with their list.

I hope they keep hell good and hot for the idiots responsible for this.

BTW: I found that little dog and cat shown above here- cute!

Jpeg Horrors


Found during a GIS for cats. I'm repelled, and yet horrified. Still, I will not sleep until I have one of these on my staring shelf.

Alfred E. Neuman reborn as a cat.

Monday, April 02, 2007

Mr. Sprinkles.



Mr. Sprinkles, from VH1's Acceptable TV, Dan Harmon of Channel 101's new television show/competition. The Thunderdome of the Air. I recommend both Acceptable TV and Channel 101- the internet version of the concept.

Update: Today, there's a YouTube version of the first episode of Mr. Sprinkles, so I added it to this post. Enjoy!

Spider Car- Advance!

If I had one of these I'd put a bulletproof glass dome over the cab and rob banks.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Congratulations Me!


Good news everybody! Fox has picked up my sitcom! It’s taken weeks of my time getting to this point, but it’s been worth every second of it! I’ve long admired Fox for its commitment to quality programming, so it's especially exciting to be affiliated with the network behind Pet Disasters! and America’s Sloppy Seconds: Celebrity Sloppy Seconds.

My show is a warm and thoughtful family situation comedy about a husband and wife, and their ups and downs raising a multicultural troop of –believe it!- 26 adopted kids!

It’s called “Father Knows Shit” and here’s the premise:

A shock jock named Jackie Caesar (think Howard Stern with an attitude) and his child bride Juliette Caesar (think Hilary Duff, but waay younger and more bosomy) are vacationing in Las Vegas (think Disneyland with more blow). They receive a phone call from a lawyer informing them that the husband’s brother has just committed suicide and that they’ll have to go to Miami for the reading of the will. The husband hangs up the phone and does the first of what will be his trademark slow-burns-into-the-camera.

“Oh my god!” he says through his perfect teeth, “My brother and I hated each other! Selfish bastard! He’ll do anything to ruin our good time! What’s he gotten himself into now?”

“Oh, honey”, says his wife.

CUT TO: The reading of the will. Jackie and Juliette are seated in the front of the room. Suspiciously, 26 kids of various ethnicities and ranging in age from 8 to 17 are also present. Several speak no English and instead speak Foreign.

Jackie says, “What are these kids doing here? You know I have a loathing for children!”

“Oh, honey”, says his wife.

The lawyer plays a video of the deceased brother giving his last will and testament. “Hey bruh! I know we’ve never really gotten along, starting with the time you stuck me in the throat with that pair of scissors, through the time when you shot me with all of those arrows on my 10th birthday. Well, remember that time you held me down and made me eat that bandaid you found in the stairwell? Well in the weeks since you did that, I’ve developed a rare blood disease and I found out I have only 3 months to live. I swore I’d get my revenge, but I got so weak and so sick that I wondered how I’d ever be able to get you back. Then - (he motions with his frail wrist to his lawyer, who leans into camera frame and snaps his fingers for him)- it hit me! I’d adopt 26 orphans- one for every letter of the alphabet- and leave them all to you to raise in my will! There’s Abraham, Bolo, Carl, Dimitri, Esteban, Franco, Gunter, Hymie, Iranian kid, Johnny India..”

Jackie slow-burns for the camera again. “Why me? Why does my brother’s suicide have to happen to me?" Hold for applause…

“Oh, honey”, says his wife.

A fat, ugly boy wriggles through the crowd of children.

“I love you Papa! When do we eat?”

Hold for laughter slowly turning to applause, then Emmys.

And that’s just a small taste of the hilarity! To tell you more would be unfair to you. Check it out for yourself. I think you’ll agree with me that Bronson Pinchot has never been better, and if she agrees to the devastating reduction in salary, you’ll agree Charlize Theron has an ass built for situation comedy, too. Incidentally, look for yours truly as the nutso next door neighbor who hates kids, shock jocks, wives, houses and foreigners, Mr. O'Reilly!