In Case of Fire, Break This:

Philip Glass, by Chuck Close

I invented a DIY Philip Glass simulation. Like Colt 45, it works every time.

Glass Half Full, by T. Dougherty

(this verse as fast as possible)
Doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley

(each line here in ascending scale)
Whump pum pum pum pum pum pum pum
Whump pum pum pum pum pum pum pum
Whump pum pum pum pum pum pum pum
Whump pum pum pum pum pum pum pum

(fast again)
Doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley doodley

(ascending scale again)
Whump pum pum pum pum pum pum pum
Whump pum pum pum pum pum pum pum
Whump pum pum pum pum pum pum pum
Whump pum pum pum pum pum pum pum

(repeat 20,000 times)

Do when bored or when annoyed with person next cubicle over.