I'm Not Here To Make Friends

Clips of contestants on a variety of "reality" shows telling us what they're all about.

Goodnight Emily: Suzanne Pleshette Dies

Damn!

Suzanne Pleshette has died at the all-too-young age of 70. Best known for her role as Emily Hartley on The Bob Newhart Show in the seventies, Suzanne Pleshette was one of the most gorgeous women in the movies or on television. Some women make a career out of just that, but she also happened to be a great actress, with impeccable comic timing and one of the most memorable voices in show business.

Here's her wikipedia page.

She was not only a lead in what is unarguably one of the greatest comedies in television history, but later she returned to the role of Emily Hartley in one of television's most funny and unforgettable moments. From the AP obituary:

Suzanne Pleshette, the beautiful, husky-voiced film and theater star best known for her role as Bob Newhart's sardonic wife on television's long-running "The Bob Newhart Show," has died, said her attorney Robert Finkelstein.

"The Bob Newhart Show, a hit throughout its six-year run, starred comedian Newhart as a Chicago psychiatrist surrounded by eccentric patients. Pleshette provided the voice of reason.

Four years after the show ended in 1978, Newhart went on to the equally successful "Newhart" series in which he was the proprietor of a New England inn populated by more eccentrics. When that show ended in 1990, Pleshette reprised her role - from the first show - in one of the most clever final episodes in TV history.

It had Newhart waking up in the bedroom of his "The Bob Newhart Show" home with Pleshette at his side. He went on to tell her of the crazy dream he'd just had of running an inn filled with eccentrics.

"If I'm in Timbuktu, I'll fly home to do that," Pleshette said of her reaction when Newhart told her how he was thinking of ending the show.

She even married Newhart mainstay Tom Poston later in their lives, and he preceded her in death last April 30. I'll bet that was an interesting couple to know.

The first four seasons of The Bob Newhart Show are available on DVD here, on Amazon.com.

For No Reason At All- The Greatest TV Theme Song of My Childhood

I watched yellowed, old repeats of this show on days when I was sick out of school, sitting with tea and toast, wrapped up on the couch in a sleeping bag. As a result, this opener gives me an almost Pavlovian feeling of comfort and delight.

Mr. Meaty- Check It Oot.

Pete on the left, Josh on the right.

Nickelodeon's Nicktoons Network has been showing the excellent Mr. Meaty, a Canadian comedy program featuring a cast of brilliantly designed muppet-style puppets going about their days working and shopping in a small town mall. Mr. Meaty is the name of the fast food dump where the two main characters work. This is an absolutely fantastic program, and it shouldn't be missed. Both kids and adults will be drawn into the odd, odd adventures of self involved slackerJosh Redgrove and his less stable, more gullible friend Parker Dinkleman.

From the ten-second long theme music that begins the program, to the decision to feature two free-standing 11 minutes stories per show (ala, say, Spongebob) instead of a long 22 minute storyline, this whole endeavor is built for speed. Why this is on the Nickelodeon Nicktoons channel instead of Nick proper is beyond me. On Nickelodeon classic this show would already be a playground buzz kind of a hit, and the critics would have already buried it in laurels and deafened it with well-deserved "Huzzah"s. On Nicktoons, it's harder to find, easier to forget, surrounded by reruns and new shows the network obviously isn't that hot about, making it seem a little unwanted. Especially since the awful Jimmy Neutron and ancient Fairly Odd Parents still clog the arteries of the original Nick. I don't try to understand.

Wildly inventive, and full of funny jokes, such as the moment when the cadaverous owner of the Mr. Meaty chain, while punishing Dinkelman, promises to make him pay back a transgression with his "Blood, Sweat and Soul Juice!" In another episode the benighted buddies, trapped in a hip hop battle with a gang of preteens in the mall, rap about Mr. Meaty, singing, "Hear that sizzle? That's your ego fryin'. We cut the onions, you do the cryin'!" I just shook my head in admiration.

Not yet available on DVD, which is the only reason I don't own them.

Belzer, Belzer, Belzer!

I've always loved this idea: Richard Belzer's Detective John Munch character has been written into episodes of Homicide: Life on the Street, Law & Order's Trial By Jury, SVU, and Original Flavor, Arrested Development, The Simpsons, The X-Files, Sesame Street (!) and The Beat and now, The Wire. That's TEN different programs- making television history in the bargain.

It's hard to remember, but he was originally a standup comic of some renown. He also had a talk show way back in the eighties, during the taping of which he was famously assaulted and injured by the trained ape Hulk Hogan. Hogan paid big settlement money to Belzer, but should have either been locked up or put down as punishment.

Congratulations, Detective Munch, and congratulations to the great Richard Belzer. It's also worth pointing out that all of these programs are actually really watchable, quality outfits.

Cane Promo

When is the last time CBS aired a show worth watching? It's been a while for me, at least. This could be good. This promo is not as good as one I saw on television last night, but it's the best one I could find. Full of excellent, exciting actors and seemingly artfully shot, this has my hour a week to lose.

A dark melodrama not about drug trafficking, but about the sugar industry. What a genius idea! That is SUCH an ingenious idea.

Anyway:

Andy Barker, DOA

Cancelled again? Who is this?

For the time being, Andy Barker, P.I., Andy Richter's excellent NBC casualty of 2007 is still available on the NBC website- full episodes, too!

Look here and enjoy. It was really a great show. DVDs landing soon, they say.

Television Archives, if you like.

I'm busy to my eyeballs for the next few days, and I probably won't be able to update the ol' bloggo as much as I'd like, so instead I invite you to take a gander at

1.) The shocking story behind the sitcom"I, Chihuahua".

2.) My reminiscences of working with Hanna and Barbera in the Seventies (the comments really sell that one, thanks to Mark Campos and others).

3.) From a few weeks ago, the news of my upcoming Fox sitcom just to round things out with an even "3".

Congratulations Me!

Good news everybody! Fox has picked up my sitcom! It’s taken weeks of my time getting to this point, but it’s been worth every second of it! I’ve long admired Fox for its commitment to quality programming, so it's especially exciting to be affiliated with the network behind Pet Disasters! and America’s Sloppy Seconds: Celebrity Sloppy Seconds.

My show is a warm and thoughtful family situation comedy about a husband and wife, and their ups and downs raising a multicultural troop of –believe it!- 26 adopted kids!

It’s called “Father Knows Shit” and here’s the premise:

A shock jock named Jackie Caesar (think Howard Stern with an attitude) and his child bride Juliette Caesar (think Hilary Duff, but waay younger and more bosomy) are vacationing in Las Vegas (think Disneyland with more blow). They receive a phone call from a lawyer informing them that the husband’s brother has just committed suicide and that they’ll have to go to Miami for the reading of the will. The husband hangs up the phone and does the first of what will be his trademark slow-burns-into-the-camera.

“Oh my god!” he says through his perfect teeth, “My brother and I hated each other! Selfish bastard! He’ll do anything to ruin our good time! What’s he gotten himself into now?”

“Oh, honey”, says his wife.

CUT TO: The reading of the will. Jackie and Juliette are seated in the front of the room. Suspiciously, 26 kids of various ethnicities and ranging in age from 8 to 17 are also present. Several speak no English and instead speak Foreign.

Jackie says, “What are these kids doing here? You know I have a loathing for children!”

“Oh, honey”, says his wife.

The lawyer plays a video of the deceased brother giving his last will and testament. “Hey bruh! I know we’ve never really gotten along, starting with the time you stuck me in the throat with that pair of scissors, through the time when you shot me with all of those arrows on my 10^th birthday. Well, remember that time you held me down and made me eat that bandaid you found in the stairwell? Well in the weeks since you did that, I’ve developed a rare blood disease and I found out I have only 3 months to live. I swore I’d get my revenge, but I got so weak and so sick that I wondered how I’d ever be able to get you back. Then - (he motions with his frail wrist to his lawyer, who leans into camera frame and snaps his fingers for him)- it hit me! I’d adopt 26 orphans- one for every letter of the alphabet- and leave them all to you to raise in my will! There’s Abraham, Bolo, Carl, Dimitri, Esteban, Franco, Gunter, Hymie, Iranian kid, Johnny India..”

Jackie slow-burns for the camera again. “Why me? Why does my brother’s suicide have to happen to me?" Hold for applause…

“Oh, honey”, says his wife.

A fat, ugly boy wriggles through the crowd of children.

“I love you Papa! When do we eat?”

Hold for laughter slowly turning to applause, then Emmys.

And that’s just a small taste of the hilarity! To tell you more would be unfair to you. Check it out for yourself. I think you’ll agree with me that Bronson Pinchot has never been better, and if she agrees to the devastating reduction in salary, you’ll agree Charlize Theron has an ass built for situation comedy, too. Incidentally, look for yours truly as the nutso next door neighbor who hates kids, shock jocks, wives, houses and foreigners, Mr. O'Reilly!

Emmy Time!

Fox News' Daily Show Ripoff.

Fox News' fake news show. Excuse me, I just had a mild irony seizure.

Doesn't Fox realize that:
A.) Conservatives are never funny. This is true and cannot be argued.
B.) Having this shown on the Fox News Channel outs them as being as biased as everyone has ever accused them of being in the past, and
C.) Fox News is supposedly a News Channel- not an entertainment channel! Comedy Central is an entertainment channel. I don't know what FNC is all about (certainly not news as we know it) but it's not entertainment.

On the other hand, this ain't entertainment either. One of the most depressing, amateurish productions ever to burn money on television. And that's either a laugh track or the studio audience from Mama's Family. See for yourself.

Update: This article pretty much sums up everything I wanted to say about this leaked clip of Fox's Daily Show. Perfectly.

And don't forget to read the Slate article referenced in that link. It's a little mean, but unlike the 'humor' in the Fox show, at least it's relevant.

Wanna See A Great Little Cartoon?

Of course you do!

Maybe My Favorite Simpsons Quote.

"I can't live the buttoned down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles! Sure, I might offend a few of the blue-noses with my cocky stride and musky odor - oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called 'City Fathers' who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about what's to be done with this Homer Simpson?"


If that isn't perfection, I do not know the meaning of this word, "perfection".

Brilliant New Reality Show Idea.

Reality game show- "Fish out of water"

You’re dropped off in the middle of nowhere, someplace outside of Fargo, ND, at 4:00 in the morning in the middle of February. No money, no ID and no phone, charged with the care of a goldfish in a plastic bag of water. Before the show starts you're given one million dollars, although during the game you have no access to it. If you can keep the fish alive for a full week you win and get to keep the money. If the fish dies, you will in essence "lose" one million dollars.

Fox network: I'll take my development deal money in cash, please. No offense, but I don't take checks from Rupert Murdoch, thank you.

Right-Leaning or Right-Listing?

Fox wants to cobble together a right-leaning satire show- a mirror image Daily Show, it would seem. I suppose Larry the Cable Guy and Dennis Miller could co host, and really stick it to all of the liberals out there fighting for peace, education, the environment, health care reform and a decent living wage.

I quote their larval king back to them: "Bring it on!" Truth is found in humor and a neocon 'comedian' will likely be unable to hide the hate, greed and fearmongering that drive the Republican agenda. So funny I'm preparing to forget to laugh.

I just happened to think that in the reality of this show, Stephen Colbert has a goatee like the evil version of Mr. Spock in that obscure science fiction show from the 60's.

Could it BE any more cancelled?

Good news for lovers of entertainment. Seems Aaron Sorkin's "Studio 60 on Sunset Strip" is circling the drain and is about to get whatever passes for a hook these days.

It was notable for Sorkin's brave creative decision to make a program about the creative team behind a Saturday Night Live-style television show that was completely without any discernible humor, invention or levity. With all of its dialogue delivered in the staccato West Wing school style, this program made things as comparatively trivial as a performer arriving late for the taping of the show-within-the-show or a case of possible joke plagiarism seem to be as earth-shaking as any terrorist threat ever could be. Again, brave (stupid) for a show about a show, with both shows allegedly being comedies.

Matthew Perry should strike the word "actor" from his resume and join the dullards on "I love the OO's" on VH1 and will the rest of his gigs to the homeless.

God Help Me I'm Starting To Like Rosie O'Donnell.

This is from a few weeks ago, I know, but I like it. As a result, my personal Rosie O'Donnell terror alert is being lowered to ORANGE. Lowered to Orange. Orange.

Go about your business in the usual manner.

Osama Ben Affleck

He is nearly impossible to like, isn't he? Here he is groping and slobbering all over some starstruck infotainment tart on French Canadian TV. One YouTube comment insists he acts like Pepe Le Pew. I would agree, except that in doing so I would be suggesting that he can, in fact, act.

The always-good-for-a-mean-spirited-hoot Superficial.com offers this viewing tip:

"And at about 3:40 he looks like he's this close to accidentally killing her like Lennie from Of Mice and Men."

Survivor: Mengele

So it seems that the brain trust at CBS has decided that this season of their execrable "Survivor" series should center on race. Specifically, the teams on the show are to be separated by race, so that white contestants will compete against African American contestants. Asians and Hispanic contestants will similarly stick 'with their own kind' from the looks of things so far. Due to the nature of the show, this can't last that long, but it's an ugly, divisive thing to do on a program that centers not only around how strong, fit and clever participants are, but also how deceitful and manipulative they can be to one another. Sounds like this season will be food for the racist sharks no matter what happens during the contests.

GM has pulled out of its sponsorship for this season. They wanted to stress that it’s not because of the promise of racist division and conflict this year, but rather that for reasons unknown, they'd rather not advertise on the top rated television program of the last few years. Umm...

To me, the mystery here isn't that GM suddenly got cold feet -slash- an attack of conscience, but rather that GM is so afraid of admitting to this bout of decency and good taste on their part. Could it be that they know that their SUV dollar is firmly attached to the redneck buying public, a market not known for their tolerance and goodwill? I still applaud GM's decision, but their lack of comment with regards to the central ugliness on CBS' part will last longer for me than any 15 minute celebrity this game show could ever Hatch.

This just in.

From Eat the Press:
CBS Caught Doctoring Photo To Make Katie Couric Thinner...

I don't think they did it to make her look thinner, I think they did it to make her head and brain look bigger.

I seem to recall them doing the same thing with Dan Rather, using photoshop to remove the straight jacket from his body in most press kit photos.